December 22, 2012

Dec 22

Good news everybody!

You know how the world was supposed to end but then it didn’t? Things were about to go south… Hard. We all knew it. It was all over the news and the internet. Everything. You could feel it when you stepped onto the crumbling street. You could see it in the sallow, hungry eyes of every child and hear it in the needy growl of angry dogs. You’re probably wondering what happened with all of that. Well, I’m pretty sure that I can say with 100% certainty that I TOOK IT INTO MYSELF — that I, Wax Mannequin, absorbed the Apocalypse!
I know! At first I could hardly believe it either, but I’ve had a day to think it over and it’s true. You see, I have been reading some ancient Mayan texts recently and they all told of a special, arcane way the Apocalypse could be averted. The process was really elaborate and pretty secret, so I won’t tell everything, but it involved spinning and spinning and eating hot embers under the waxing Aries moon.

Now, I’m a pretty sceptical person, so when I read that there was a way to stop the end of the world I didn’t really believe it at first. I mean, that’s the whole thing about the Apocalypse, right? It’s supposed to be unavoidable. There were just no more days on that stupid stone calendar. We couldn’t just… add more days. That’s crazy talk! And if such a thing were even possible, why, of all people, would I be the one chosen for such a task?

But I went through with the ritual anyway. I spun and spun, ate hot coals and did all that other very specific stuff for several days before the Apocalypse — more as a joke than anything — and then… see! Isn’t it great? It turns out that this is what I’ve been here for all along. All of the upsetting anthems and confrontational performances; all of the winter nights in Wawa hotel rooms and the roadside naps in rusty 1988 Chevy Cavaliers; all this time I was just preparing myself to absorb the Apocalypse and save the shitty world! Awesome!

There’s one catch though… because I absorbed such a massive, destructive force, I have been left in a highly volatile state. My chakras are all switched around and currently vibrating fiercely on each of the seven planes of existence, popping in and out of being about one billion times per second. It feels pretty nice actually, like a metakarmatological massage, but I’m not sure what’s going to happen to me, my music or to the people that I meet. I’ll keep you posted.

And yes… You’re welcome.

I’m playing tonight at the Casbah as part of Joey’s Festive Extravaganza. I’m on at 12:30.
I’ll add the first 10 people who message me to the guestlist.

Below are some upcoming amazing shows that you DON’T want to miss:

Sat, December 22nd
Spherical Productions Xmas Party w/ Must Stash Hat, Donefors and many others
$10 or message me for guestlist

Thurs, January 3rd
Maxwell’s Music House
w/ Pat Maloney and tba

Sat, January 5th
The Black Shire
w/ Pat Maloney and Jenny Omnichord

Thurs, January 10th
41 Quebec st.
w/ Jenny Omnichord and Pat Maloney

Sat, January 19th
The Clock Tower
575 Bank Street
w/ The Ship Shapes ant TBA
$10, 9pm

Wed, January 23rd
292 Brunswick Ave.
Corin Raymond record launch

Thurs. January 24th
Pearl Company
16 Stephen st.
Corin Raymond
record launch

Fri, February 1st
Black Shire
511 Talbot st.
w/ BA Johnston

Sat, February 2nd
Two Doors Down
w BA Johnston

Fri, February 22nd
1197 Dundas st. w.
w/ BA Johnston

Sat, February 23rd
Jane Bond
5 Princess st. w.
w/ BA Johnston

Fri, March 1st
This Ain’t Hollywood|
345 James st. N
w/ BA Johnston

Sat, March 2nd
Pig’s Ear Tavern
w/ BA Johnston

Blessings of Akna to you.